tension

when the lights go down
when the city streets are quiet
when there are no more distractions
left to satisfy the longings deep within me
when i’m left to sit and wonder
when i realize i won’t ever understand
when i embrace the life that happens
then chaos will be my friend

beauty and truth
light and shadows
brokenness and pain
will all dance together
in community
in peace.

a mirror dimly

always ask questions
never expect answers
the murky waters
of the lake of life
will not let you see through
to the other side

and if it did - 

what would you need hope for?

Can I have a Drink of Water?

Think about the Woman at the Well

The Samaritan Woman

The Woman in suffering

The Woman in pain

The Woman fighting embarrassment

The Woman who knew

The Woman who knew she didn’t matter

The Woman who collected water at mid-day

The Woman who built a wall

The Woman who knew what her life was

The Woman with no purpose.

Think about the simple Question

The Question that on the surface

Holds a small amount of meaning

The Question that changed everything.

The desire for a drop to drink

Is far deeper than it seems

And the well the water comes from

May not be as deep as you think.

“Can I have a cup of water?

Can you help me out?”

Can I humble myself enough to realize

That you are a person I know nothing about

Except for what I’ve heard in and around town?

Can I realize that such a simple Question

Might lead our talk in a direction

That changes both of our hearts for the better

Teaching us a lesson about Mercy

And Grace

And Love

And Kindness

And the power that Beautiful Questions hold

To change the mold

That we have been told

To fit ourselves into since the days of old.

Hoping for Something to Hope For

            “I have told you these things, so that in me you might have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

-John 16:33

            “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

- Romans 8:18

           

            “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

- Psalm 34:18

           

            “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

- James 1:2

            If people were not meant to experience suffering, Scripture wouldn’t have as much to say about it as it does. When faced with a difficult experience, many people’s default question is “Why?”

Why did he have to die?

Why did she walk out on us?

Why can’t he just stop?

Why wasn’t I enough?

Why didn’t I say something when I had the chance?

            Suffering is a difficult topic to explore, because everybody feels it differently, and everybody reacts to it differently. The only piece of advice that I’ve been given that is universal in any kind of suffering is this:

Don’t go through it alone.

            I need you to remind me that I’m not the only one in the world experiencing pain. I need you to be real with me, to tell me what’s going through your head and your heart so we can help each other out in the mere understanding that we are not alone when we think life sucks.

            I’ve always thought it was cliché when I would hear phrases like “Love alone is worth the fight,” because I never really understood what it meant. I think that when we really learn to love each other, to put other people above ourselves, and to live in community with one another, we’ll get one step closer to understanding why seasons of life can be so difficult.

“If you have a problem, and I love you, then that’s my problem. If you have a joy, and I love you, that’s going to bring me joy.”

-Aaron Weiss

            That is not meant to be an easy solution to pain, or even a solution at all. Maybe it’s just the way I’ve learned to make sense of everything. When I’m not in a very good spot emotionally or spiritually and I share it with my older brother, he always says, “Go help someone.” Sometimes that’s the last thing I want to hear. Other times, it’s the only thing that brings me back to the reality that we’re all lost and broken people seeking some sort of peace.

            We need each other to remind each other that we will never walk alone.

            We need each other to remind each other that our stories matter.

            We need each other to remind each other that we are loved

            Cherished

            Valued

            Significant.

            In the mean time, I am encouraged because of the hope that there is for a world with no more pain and no more suffering, and I cannot wait for the day that we all come together as one to celebrate it.

            “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

-Revelation 21:4

In Everyone We Meet...

“It doesn’t matter what you’ve done,

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done,

What effect is without a cause?

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.

Now lay your faithless head down

In necessities Cotton Hand,

There’s a love that never changes,

No matter what you’ve done. “

            At one point in my life, I met a lot of people that I never would have expected to be changing the world in the way they were doing it. A former gang member turned pastor, working with people that he used to call family, trying to help them find a way out. Or an old junkie that just can’t seem to be set free from his addiction becomes a slave to righteousness and helps others find the same path. A girl struggling with depression figures out that even though life sucks a lot of the time, it has a purpose, and she strives to help others find their purpose right alongside her. At one point in my life, I very ignorantly came to the conclusion that these kinds of people were the last kind of people I would expect to see become a part of the Body of Christ.

            I expressed my amazement that I had at the transformation in these people’s lives to somebody I look up to a lot, and his response was this: “If we read the Gospels, really read them, enjoy the stories and think of the characters, those people are exactly who we should expect to find Jesus. Where did we miss this?.”

            Those words really resonated with me at the time that he shared them, but they soon lost their value when I entered into a different context with different problems. I’m finding that there are plenty of things in life that I need to be willing to re-learn, and come to grips with the fact that I will never understand what it means to its fullest extent. This is one of them.

            Church is its own culture. There are social norms that are different for each one. In some, you can drop an f-bomb here and there and nobody will bat an eye. In others, if you don’t carry the right translation of the Bible with you into the building, then you can’t possibly know who Jesus is. I’m not saying that either of those is right or wrong. What I’m suggesting is, maybe our priorities fall into the wrong places too easily.

            The lyrics above are from a song called “Allah, Allah, Allah” by a band called mewithoutYou. The first verse says:

In everywhere we look,

In everywhere we look,

In everywhere we look,

In everywhere we look,

In everywhere we look,

In everywhere we look,

Allah, Allah, Allah

In everywhere we look.

            I can listen to that song and think about the fact that it says Allah instead of Jesus or even just God and be upset about it. I can listen to this song and get frustrated because I thought there was finally a group of decently normal Christian guys writing music that’s honest and true, but now because they talked about Allah in one of their songs I can come to the conclusion that they must not be Christians anymore.

           I hope you picked up on that sarcasm in the above paragraph, because even though I can choose to do those things, I find that when I stand in a room full of a bunch of sweaty people who are just as lost and broken as I am, it is only then that I come to a real understanding of the beauty and truth that are in a song like that. When hundreds of people join together in singing that one song, whether they know it or not, they are being led in a ballad to their Creator, and he can use that ballad to speak truth into their lives in any way he wants.

            To say that it’s extra inspirational when God saves a prostitute isn’t fair, or to say that a song or idea needs to be deemed un-Christian because it takes truth that is also found in other great teachers is very narrow minded. For me personally, all it means is that my God isn’t big enough to break through barriers set up by Satan and the world around us, and if that’s my attitude towards things, then my war is over before it even starts.

            

My whole point?

Maybe God is a lot bigger than we let him be, but I’m not sure if we’ll find out if we keep him in a box that isn’t even big enough to fit my pet lizard.

oh, sweet pretender.

oh, sweet pretender!
your lips are so soft
and the sound of your voice
reminds me that i'm better off
chasing quietly after you
so no one notices when i'm gone.

how long will this go on?
will your work ever be done?
will i ever feel like i belong?
i cling to you when disaster comes,
forgetting to seek the face of my God
as if i didn't even need him.
well.
now i know i need him.
i curse him, spit in his face
day after day
asking him where he was when i need him most.

but instead of searching,
i turn back to you
you give me just what i'm looking for.
you make me swell with pride,
and make me satisfied
in the things i always thought were lies

later, i hear a whisper in my ear.
it tells me to turn around, so i do
i leave everything behind
i head to the west,
leaving you, sweet pretender
and all of the empty promises
that you convinced me were the best.

i found the best,
but the best thing about the best
is that it's only the beginning

Empty Sunshine Shining Through

The sun is shining
My skin is crawling
My eyes are burning
My heart is yearning.

Seasons are changing
From hot to cold
And the sun is drifting
A little bit father away
With every passing day.

I'm stuck in the dreary abyss
Where the sun shines,
But it's cold on my skin
I wonder if I'll ever feel its warmth again.
Like, maybe it will sink down
Behind the mountains one last time
Reflecting a vast array of blues, pinks, yellows and greens
Leaving me to dream dreams
Of days that will never be.

So here I will sit, perched upon a mountaintop
Waiting patiently for my friend
To warm my skin and make me feel whole again.

But,
Until then,
Here I'll sit,
And here I'll stay.

Stop Asking Questions

Questions are valuable.

Without any questions, we wouldn’t see anything beyond what we already know.

But the thing about questions is, when you ask too many, you get stuck.

Why did my father leave us?

Why did my sister have to die?

Why doesn’t anyone help that homeless man?

Why don’t people get treated fairly in an age where equality is such a big deal?

Why is the court system so corrupt?

Why are there earthquakes?

Why isn’t there any healing?

Why am I even here?

How do you love people who are in a place where they are supposed to bring justice to the people without the freedom to speak for themselves?

How do you penetrate such a mighty fortress that is layered with hatred, bitterness, anger and disappointment?

How do you love someone who gives people punishment beyond what is required, just because he thinks they deserve it?

You stop asking questions.

Stop asking the questions that hinder you from making changes.

Don’t ask

            How do you love the man who brings injustice?

Ask

            Why should I love the man who brings injustice?

Changing the face of the question will change the face of the man.

The Dirt Man

At 11 years old I thought it would be a good idea
To go light up
Behind a park bench
With some old friends.

From that moment on,
I saw black and white.
I saw wrong and right.
I saw day and night.
From that moment on I went through my life
Doing whatever I liked,
Because I owned the night.
I was the Night.

All around me, I saw a bunch of golden people.
Golden people with golden lives.
Golden men with golden wives
Holding onto the end of their golden ropes,
With their golden eyes waiting
With an empty hope
For the road to rise up and meet them
But it never will.

Yes, I am broken.
I am dirt compared to those tokens.
But one thing I vow to never be
Is a dirt man spray painted with gold
Just like everyone around me.

What I'm Learning From "Be Church"

People don’t need facts, they need to know why.

I could stop fifty people on the street and tell them all about how Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins, and most of them would probably walk away without thinking too much about it. I’m not saying things like street evangelism don’t work, but what I am saying is that reaching this world for the cause of Christ takes time.

We spend so much times developing things like the Romans Road and other Gospel sharing tactics that we forget about the people we are trying to reach.

When a new concept or idea comes my way, I find myself asking, “What does this have to do with me?” As selfish as that may be, we need to be concerned with our own well being when we are faced with a big life decision. Why does a new relationship with Christ mean anything different?

Math was my least favorite subject until my junior year of high school. When I looked at it, all I saw was a bunch of numbers with stupid rules about why I could and couldn’t do things. It didn’t make any sense. That’s why I hated it so much. I never took the time to see the fact that there was so much under the surface. I began to appreciate the puzzle that was my Algebra homework when I did more than just remember the little rules. With the help of people who were far more educated than I on the subject, I developed a deep appreciation of what math really is by asking one simple question: Why?

It’s the same thing when we’re trying to share the Gospel with someone who has never heard it. Why does a man who lived two thousand years ago have any impact on my life? Why do I need to be so concerned with this Jesus guy?

Explaining the Gospel is crucial, but it’s not the only crucial part of our duty as believers. We need to walk along side other people and show them who Jesus is by the way we think, speak, and act. We need to share the struggles of our own lives so the people around us can see God’s faithfulness in our lives, and see that He really does change things.

We can’t stop at “God loves you.” We need to dig down deeper in order to show people that He really is worth it.

Lacking Appreciation

It’s hard to see the kingdom of God when there is nothing physically there.

I think a lot of people struggle with falling into the temptations and benefits this world has to offer. At some point in our lives, we chase constantly after a world that keeps breaking our hearts and never brings us joy or any sense of self worth. I fall into this category often, and thankfully I have friends who remind me that this world truly has nothing to offer.

I have never really understood why so many Christians want to follow things in this world when they know the joy Christ brings, and have known it for their entire lives. Why would you trade something that holds you together, gives you a purpose, and has an indescribable love for you and everyone around you? Doing drugs or drinking too much makes you forget about troubles, but they come right back when you sober up. Relationships can be great for a multitude of things, but ultimately every single human being you meet will let you down at some point. Distracting yourself with schoolwork or even regular work only leaves you empty and stressed out. I know all of these things because I have experienced them all on a personal level to varying degrees.

I came to know Christ as my Savior a little over three years ago, and since then my life has been a roller coaster ride. My friends have told me that I have an advantage in this life because I know what it’s like to live without Christ, so I can resist “worldly temptations” more easily. I have to disagree with that. Just because I know and can remember what my life without Christ looked like does not mean that I struggle any less than they do daily. I think sometimes that factor helps me stay connected with God because I know how empty it is without Him, but I still struggle.

I think it’s kind of comical that there are so many songs, sermons, and books written of this subject so often. I think that I think it’s funny because people who are constantly surrounded and loved by the body of Christ have it better than most of the population and they don’t even realize it. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when I hear my friends complain about their family or other people in their lives, because most of the people in their lives love the Lord and are just trying to help them in their walk.

Be happy with the people that are in your life who are teaching you how to live a Godly life. Cherish those influences, because you don’t know if they’ll always be there, and you don’t know how much they are truly teaching you until you look at the things you learned from them as they were teaching you.

“One day we’ll touch the face of our God, and our sorrows will disappear.”

That is a day I wish I could slap onto my calendar and count down to. Unfortunately I have no control over when that day will do. None of us do. As much as we like to think we have control over our lives, we are mistaken, because there’s someone watching over us all the time playing out our lives just the way He planned it before we were born. He sees us when we’re sleeping, and he knows when we’re awake, and he’s one hundred times better than Santa Claus.

This world is just a valley of ashes spray painted gold to make it look pleasing. On the outside it looks good, but when you dig down deep into it you won’t find anything you’re looking for