highlight(s) of 2012

if there was one word i could use to describe 2012, it would be blessed.

i know its cliche, but it's true. I've had my ups and downs this year. i've been through some really difficult  trials and some of the most life changing moments of my life.

i would say one of the most life changing moments of my year was a week i spent at lake ann camp in Michigan. i was on reborne rangers, and it was a tuesday night. we were getting ready watch some sort of louie giglio movie when one of the camps worship guys came through the welcome center. we asked  him to play a few songs for us, and he did. i didnt know any of them, so i felt a little awkward. but in between songs, a friend of mine spoke up with tears in his eyes, asking us if we could pray for the family of a kid that he knew who had just taken his own life. it was life changing.

it started off with one prayer, and went on and on. some of us prayed for 20 seconds, some prayed for 2 minutes. through that time of prayer, God moved through me like i have never felt before. ever. i was headed down a path that would eventually lead to my own destruction, and God reached out to me that night. he basically told me (not audibly, though that would be pretty sweet) but through everybody else that i needed to take a good look at myself and where my life was headed. that night i learned how important it is to keep a good relationship with God because thats not where I was. He woke me up that night. i was dead, but now i'm alive.

this year i learned to give Jesus the handlebars. since then i've hit a few rough patches, but i always go back to that night. giving your life to Jesus is not easy. it's really not that pleasant either. there are a lot of things that i've had to do that i wouldn't think i would have done. i always thought christians were crazy, but now i know they're just living for something that's worth it. its not easy. its not pleasant. its not even simple. but its worth it.

my adventure with Jesus is something better than i could have ever made my own life. he is my hope, my salvation, my father, and my best friend. i'd like to say my relationship with him is good, but i fail him every day. i'm thankful for a God who is always there with arms wide open. i'm thankful for a God who doesn't judge us by how well we follow the rules and regulations, but has an endless supply of grace. i'm thankful for the person He has made me. i'm thankful for the people he's put in my life to help me along. i'm thankful that i will never be alone. i am thankful and i am blessed.

that was my 2012, and i'm excited to see what 2013 has in store.

"the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" - psalm 34:18

Rocks in the Sun

Beaten, battered, and bruised,
Oh, how the waves are amused.
Billowing down day after day
On the rocks who wish they could run far away.

No side left untouched
By the waves massive, dreadful clutch.
They just want to be free from the pain.
To see the sunny side of life
Which has been gone for so long.
But all they see is dark clouds and rain
They're scared they'll never see their bright sun again.

To feel his warm rays,
To get caught in his gaze
To finally just feel okay.
It goes on for days, but it feels like months
The rocks haven't seen the shining sun once.
They try to cling to the hope
That they'll see him soon.

Some just give up.
They get pulled to their doom.
The deep, dark, hopeless abyss.
A thunderous clap and the rock's gone amiss.


But no matter how broken,
No matter how shattered
The other rocks felt
They learned to embrace the hurricane.
Eventually they would rise above it,
They'd learn how to get hit
And still to survive.
All of their hope and strength
Would be placed in their dreams of seeing the sun again.
That one day the battle would be one
Their weaknesses overcome
But only because of their faith in the sun.

learning how to be lonely

waiting has become a foreign concept.
a forgotten, neglected precept
which all of us constantly reject.

less time, less money, less people
so i can be better, not equal.
my materialistic views are nothing new.
my exhausting ways of efficiency
are what i think will transform me.
they are what will adorn me.
doctor me into what society
makes me think i want to be.

in their eyes ive become saintly.
in my head is nothing but insanity.
my life is perfect to them
but to me its nothing like they think i am.
i am consumed,
i am enslaved
by bigger, better, faster.
they all have become my master.

i dont know what it means to be hungry.
i dont know what it means to be lonely.
because i move on too fast for them to show me.

the division

it's what separates me from you
the way we speak
the way we think
the way we act
it's a wider gap than i thought
and a taller fence than what either of us could jump.

I wonder if God is a painter

i wonder if God is a painter.
if he sits up on his throne
designing astonishing sunsets,
breathtaking landscapes,
and billowy, fluffy, happy clouds.

even the most beautiful sunset,
even something so vast as the grand canyon,
even the coolest formation of clouds
that you will ever see
can even come close to his masterpiece.

God has to be a painter.
inventing every aspect of your life
every detail, no matter how small
creates what he sees in you.
that, my friend, is his true masterpiece.

maybe it's our problem, not theirs

if you've ever seen Rachel's challenge, you've heard of the chain reaction of kindness and compassion she really believed in. she said that if one person showed kindness to someone else, it would continue through that person to the next person and so on. I think that is the stance we as a society need to take on our lives.

in the wake of the sandy hook elementary school shootings, our nation was left heartbroken and somewhat empty. that shooter who went into the school, had he been shown some sort of kindness, compassion, or felt loved by his fellow classmates, may not have taken the lives of so many innocent people last Friday.

I see it walking through the halls at my own school. everybody knows that weird kid who has no friends, and yet no one steps out and asks him how he's doing. that kid spends 8 hours a day 5 days a week in pure loneliness. it isn't fair.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that other people's depression or other issues may have nothing to do with drugs, alcohol, or a bad home life or the fact that their boyfriend or girlfriend just broke up with them. it may just be that they're lonely. they're people just like you and me but have no one to turn to. they have feelings, and they know when others don't like them, just like we do. I think it's time we stop looking around at everyone else's issues and trying to solve them and we solve our own. maybe we are the ones who could prevent suicides. maybe we are the ones who can prevent a school shooting. maybe one kind word can prevent something like 9/11. maybe we just don't know it yet, because we really haven't tested it out. a small act of kindness can make somebody's day.

I want to encourage anyone who reads this to step out of your comfort zone. to reach out to someone tomorrow or today or any time and let them know you care. no one should ever feel alone in this life.

if you're reading this and you are that person who spends every day at school or at home lonely or depressed, know that there are people out there who love you.

show kindness and compassion to someone today, because it might be our only hope.

How I Chose the Road Less Traveled

So here I am, walking down the street.
Thinking I'm fine, just being me.
Then I look up and the road, it splits,
And I'm not sure which way to go.

I've put all my trust in the painted lines,
All of my hope in the guiding signs
To get me where I thought I should be.
I got so lost that I couldn't choose for myself anymore.
So I stayed where I was
A little dazed and confused,
Not sure of my place in this life.

Then a man came along side me,
And he pointed out the fact
That one road was wider than the other.
He told me of his adventure down the wide road.
"It felt friendly and welcoming, but only at first.
After a short while I started to notice
That no one really knew what they were looking for.
They were happy and upbeat on the surface,
But they were broken on the inside."
He said that is wasn't worth the easy journey,
And that he was looking for something more.
So he turned around
And stood in my same position
For quite a long time.

He had never been down the narrow path.
Though he told me of the stories he's heard.
That even when you feel hopeless,
There's someone you can turn to.
But there was one thing about the narrow gate,
Which is why many people don't choose it.
It was a more difficult journey to take.
Overcoming the obstacles that are holding you back,
And learning to trust a strength not your own.
But he had heard that the narrow path
lead to new life.
Worth whatever it took to get there.

I looked again,
Down the paths I could choose.
My head said the wide,
and my heart said the narrow.
So I listened to my heart
And the man and I took the journey together down the road.
The life that we found, it's love knew no bounds.
With constant love and affection,
My life began at the intersection.