Love isn't Made

I wish I grew up when love was a revolution.
When it wasn't thrown around,
And we didn't use it to pull each other down.
That's why I'm so lost, I can never be found.
It's because I can't see love the way it is.

I search high and low,
I can't seem to find it.
Love is like a drug,
It's no longer the solution, it's the problem.
We all think love can be made,
That love isn't real.

It breaks us into pieces,
Leaves this puzzle unsolved.
In this kind of life
We find no resolve.

I'm looking for some reasons
That make me believe in
Something bigger than myself.

Until I find that reason
I'm stuck inside this season,
Only when I discover, love can't be borrowed
Will I believe in life and love and hope and joy.
Love isn't borrowed,
Love isn't made.

Farther -- A Monologue

You just keep drifting, further and further away, and I can't handle the fact that I did absolutely nothing to stop it. I remember always loving when you were around. Not just physically here, but really... here. Now you're so far away that even when you’re right in front of me, it feels like you’re in some other world... you're just always falling.

I just want things to go back to normal. I want you to be the person I’ve always known, but you can’t be. I thought maybe it was just some sort of teenage angst you were trying to get through, but it ended up becoming something bigger than that. Family gatherings are so strange without you. I realized that when you aren’t there, I have no one to get into trouble with. I tried to get used to it but I just can’t. It’s not the same. It’s like you just fell off the face of the earth that night.

When I got the news, every part of me went numb. I stayed in my room with the door locked thinking about everything I missed. I sat there for hours finding ways to blame myself. Maybe I should have paid more attention. Maybe I should have called. Maybe if I tried to track you down you wouldn’t have done something so senseless. I should have tried to help. Maybe if I let myself understand, I could have helped you through it.


But I think I was scared. I mean, in the back of my mind, I probably knew exactly what was going on with you. It was just easier to ignore all the bad stuff than it was to face it. You didn’t make sense anymore…  I was scared of what you were turning into, and I chose not to believe what I was hearing.

You see, everything people were saying about you were just stories, and stories aren't always true… right? Sure, they could have been true, but I wasn’t there so I didn’t have to believe them and I refused to. That wasn’t the you I’ve known, so why would I even think about questioning it? I wanted to cling to what I knew was true, even if it meant losing you. I was selfish.

Knowing the truth about what you’ve become would mean losing all my trust in you. It’s easier to just ignore it… All that pain that I experienced, all of it was like grieving for a heart that’s still beating. You are alive, but really you are dead.

I would do anything to go back in time and change it. I would trade places with you if I could. Your life has potential, I can see where it could have gone if one of us just did something different. Now I feel guilt that doesn’t compare to anything I’ve ever felt before.  

I just… I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I haven’t been there like I should have. I’m sorry I didn’t call to see if you were okay. I’m sorry I didn’t question the strange things you did. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you. I’m sorry I let fear take control of my life. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I was too attached to the old you to try to help the new you. I’m sorry I’m so self-centered.

I’m sorry... about everything, but not all is lost. Just let me back in. Let’s work on this together. Let’s focus on positivity. Once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up, right?. Me with my problems, and you with yours make two pretty messed up people… but we live in a pretty messed up world, so maybe if I could help you and you could help me we could help the world. So, let’s start moving forward instead of falling away.-- 

Life is Full of Contradictions

Steady now... right on the edge.
A balancing act so perfect,
So risky, so... Real.
I feel my heart sink down
From my chest to my feet,
And somehow right through me.
It feels so wrong,
But now, I'm free.
Right where I belong.

Departure

if you were born to inspire,
be an inspiration.
if you were born to encourage,
be an encouragement.
if you were born a lover, or a fighter,
or if you were born to bring change to this world,
do it.
there's only one of each of us.
together, we can sing in beautiful harmony.
learn to be a little different, who you were made to be.
because when we all sing the same part,
all the beauty is gone.
what's a song without harmony?
what is life without difference?