One Breath at a Time

The waves were crashing all around me
There was no way I could ever break free.
I tried to swim down deeper and deeper
So that I could finally catch my breath
But the pressure kept building
There was no air left.

I wake up in a cold sweat.
I look around.
I see myself in a hospital bed.
My mom is there
Holding my hand.
She hasn't left my side
And hasn't stopped praying
That God would keep me alive.
"One breath at a time"
She whispers.

I watch her until I can't watch her anymore.
I go to look for my dad, but he's nowhere to be found
So I make my way through the door and down the hall
And I find him in the waiting room
Staring at the wall.
I can see it in his eyes
How he wishes he could have been there to save me that day
But it was too late.
"One breath at a time"
He whispered.
And he sat trying to convince himself I would be fine.

That's how I learned
Those waves crashing down on me
Made their way to my whole family.
And I died to myself that day
So my waves wouldn't  take them away.

Imperfection Serves Perfection

We’re all stuck in the stagnant waters of Christian clichés and excuses of why we can’t do anything to fix the world around us. We’ve lost sight of who we are and what we’re living for.

We live in a world ruled by sin, but we live in a time where sin no longer has its grip on us. I hate phrases like, “We’re sinners, that’s all we’ll ever be” because they are not true. Yes, we are imperfect people, but what about sanctification? What about the fact that Jesus died on the cross so we no longer had to be slaves to sin, but to grace? Just because we’ll never be perfect doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ever try.

I think God wants us to constantly be pursuing Him and who we could be in Him. I think we’ve said that too many times for it to mean anything anymore. I think that’s why Christians are so complacent in their walks with God, because they become content with what shouldn’t be.

We shouldn’t be okay with the fact that we are imperfect people serving a perfect God. We should see it as truth, because in this world we will never be perfect, but we should never ever ever be content. We should strive every day to give Jesus all we've got, because He deserves it and it's the least we could do. Jesus suffered as we do, felt pain like we do, and then took on all of our sins on the cross for us. For the first time ever, God forsook His Son because He just couldn’t look at the weight of the sin He was bearing.

God doesn't desire for us a life of excuses. He didn't do all He did on earth for us to do that. He wants us to live in total trust of who He is. He wants us to forget about our sin, not for us to hold onto it and let it control who we are. He wants every day on this earth to be a step closer to perfection. We can't do that if we keep using the fact that we're sinners as an excuse. It's truth, but there's a difference between the truth and an excuse. 

So because of His perfection, because of His humility, because of His grace and willingness to bear our sins so we could live a life free of them, don’t you think we should give Him a little bit more than what we have been giving Him? 

innocence again

when i was a kid
i'd write poems about
mountains and snowstorms
and days on the beach.

they were coated in innocence
they were totally free.

...just like my thoughts
and hopes
and dreams

used to be.