Lacking Appreciation

It’s hard to see the kingdom of God when there is nothing physically there.

I think a lot of people struggle with falling into the temptations and benefits this world has to offer. At some point in our lives, we chase constantly after a world that keeps breaking our hearts and never brings us joy or any sense of self worth. I fall into this category often, and thankfully I have friends who remind me that this world truly has nothing to offer.

I have never really understood why so many Christians want to follow things in this world when they know the joy Christ brings, and have known it for their entire lives. Why would you trade something that holds you together, gives you a purpose, and has an indescribable love for you and everyone around you? Doing drugs or drinking too much makes you forget about troubles, but they come right back when you sober up. Relationships can be great for a multitude of things, but ultimately every single human being you meet will let you down at some point. Distracting yourself with schoolwork or even regular work only leaves you empty and stressed out. I know all of these things because I have experienced them all on a personal level to varying degrees.

I came to know Christ as my Savior a little over three years ago, and since then my life has been a roller coaster ride. My friends have told me that I have an advantage in this life because I know what it’s like to live without Christ, so I can resist “worldly temptations” more easily. I have to disagree with that. Just because I know and can remember what my life without Christ looked like does not mean that I struggle any less than they do daily. I think sometimes that factor helps me stay connected with God because I know how empty it is without Him, but I still struggle.

I think it’s kind of comical that there are so many songs, sermons, and books written of this subject so often. I think that I think it’s funny because people who are constantly surrounded and loved by the body of Christ have it better than most of the population and they don’t even realize it. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when I hear my friends complain about their family or other people in their lives, because most of the people in their lives love the Lord and are just trying to help them in their walk.

Be happy with the people that are in your life who are teaching you how to live a Godly life. Cherish those influences, because you don’t know if they’ll always be there, and you don’t know how much they are truly teaching you until you look at the things you learned from them as they were teaching you.

“One day we’ll touch the face of our God, and our sorrows will disappear.”

That is a day I wish I could slap onto my calendar and count down to. Unfortunately I have no control over when that day will do. None of us do. As much as we like to think we have control over our lives, we are mistaken, because there’s someone watching over us all the time playing out our lives just the way He planned it before we were born. He sees us when we’re sleeping, and he knows when we’re awake, and he’s one hundred times better than Santa Claus.

This world is just a valley of ashes spray painted gold to make it look pleasing. On the outside it looks good, but when you dig down deep into it you won’t find anything you’re looking for

What is Next

I’m always wishing for the next step, now more than ever before

Who would have guessed that the next step

Would be right outside my door?

Just A Little Bit of Water

Yes, Lady Macbeth,
A little bit of water will wash that sin away.
But I'm afraid to say
That's not all it will take.

You see, I've tried to disguise my lies
By washing them down the drain
But they just get recycled
Into some other form of pain.

So if water won't wash me clean, what will?

And yes, Macbeth,
I think you must have been right
Because after last night
I'm not quite sure if I'll ever be okay.

I've been trying to swallow this thought
That I haven't lived life like I ought,
Chasing fate into the open gates,
Into the blood red ocean
Where I will float on
Into what I hoped would never be.

My Heart has a Sixth Sense

My heart has a sixth sense
                                 That will shatter my world
    And
                      Recompense
                                        The world around me.

It is certainly astounding
       That it can feel something that surrounds me
That my eyes can rarely see.


I want them to be opened.
I want them to believe.

                                                I just need to find the key
                                                That will set these captives
                                                                                         Free.

Perched Atop a Fallen Log

Perched atop a fallen log
With the brisk autumn air kissing her face,
She sits still
Dreaming of what she soon will be
And what she has become.

The birds remind her of where she came from.
They bring back the freedom of frolicking
Down freshly blazed paths that carry her
To her place of refuge.
In that place her thoughts flowed freely
And any fetter locked around her heart was set free.

The trees remind her of where she is going.
From a young sapling with nothing to bring
To a strong shelter for the weak and needy,
Roots set deep into the ground
To stand against any Storm
That may knock it down.
And even when it is knocked down,
It grows back stronger than the first time around,
Growing closer to the Light as it gets taller and stronger.

She is inspired.
She will be free.
She will be strong.
The Light will make her everything
She needs to be

Somebody's Baby

I was desperate.

But rock bottom felt pretty good. I had everything I needed. I was happy, satisfied when I had money to get what I needed, and I lived in the city. It was everything I ever dreamed, on the surface. The only thing I was missing was a house, money, friends and family. Only I didn’t really care about that.

I was running low on cash, and my supply was low. I remembered when I was around seventeen I would see people post pictures on Facebook with homeless guys in them holding up signs saying “Need Money For Drugs” and stuff like that. The photographs were always paired with a comment about how they appreciated the addicts honesty. I figured I’d give it a shot.

Leaning against a building, half asleep with my sign in front of me, I hoped to get enough money for at least the next day. My only other option was prostitution, and I would never in a million years have pictured myself doing that. But, if it needed to be, it would be done. I looked down the sidewalk only to find a man walking my way. He looked like he was going to come talk to me, and that’s all I hoped for.

He had the kindest eyes I had ever seen, and a gentle loving smile to go with it. He reached out to me as if to shake my hand, and when our hands met was when he finally spoke.

“This money belongs to me, but it comes from someone else. Use it well.”

He squeezed my hand, looked deeply into my eyes as if to say “I’m giving you a second chance with this, don’t blow it.” I just nodded. When I looked down into the palm of my hand, a hundred dollar bill was sitting there. When I looked up he was gone, disappeared into the crowd.

I was set. For days. I went to the corner to set my order, got what I needed and left. I went to my favorite spot in the city, the bridge that gave me shelter and company, and sang me to sleep at night with the music of the river flowing underneath and the buzzing of the cars above.

I took one hit, and couldn’t stop going back for more. I could feel it pulsing through my veins, my head was buzzing, and I got a warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt blissful. It was the closest thing to perfect I had ever felt in my life.

I sat watching the water pass below me. I started to think of the man who handed me that hundred-dollar bill. I remembered the look in his eyes before he left. “Don’t blow it.” I wished with everything inside of me that I could see him again. I wanted to ask him for help. He was the last person I met who really would give me help. I needed him, more than I needed this high. But he was gone. I blew it.

That’s when I drifted off to sleep for the last time.

The Songs I Will Sing

To live is Christ
To die is gain
Will be my sweet refrain
Until He calls me home.
I will live to see the light of Christ
Shine bright in this world.

When I'm at the bottom of everything I am,
I discover the whole time I was falling
I was falling closer to the palm of His hand
He will always be mine
I will always be His
Our song will forever be this.

He is there.
He is the power
Of the very core that is me.
Without Him I am nothing.
With Him I am everything.

So why is it all so hard to understand?
That we will always be walking hand in hand
Even in the darkest times
Even when the sun shines.