don't fade away

if  you want me to be honest,
i wish all of your words were a lie.
i wish the things you said to me
were just some sort of question
you were sorting out in your mind.
but i don't think that's the case, i think it's all the truth
and it scared me to think you could be walking away from
the things you've always held close to you.

it's a struggle to rise above it
it's hard to stand against
the current of the world that's pulling you so hard one way
when all you want to do
is go the other way.

this all might be a little harsh
and i don't mean it all entirely
i just don't want to see you be
like everyone else i've seen
fade away the same.

Firm Foundations

I've built elegant castles in the sand,
Only, the waves keep crashing down
On the work I carefully sculpted by my very own hand.
The castles I build, though they look strong,
Really are no match,
For the waves that build themselves up
To come down with a heavy crash.

I got tired of the work I was doing for nothing.
I got a hammer and a chisel,
I sought out the strongest, toughest, boldest rock I could find.
I went to work.
I sat there for hours knocking down the rock
And with it, I built a house.
So when the waves creep up,
My house stands strong,
And I don't have to worry much
When something goes wrong.

Why Parents Really Aren't That Embarrassing

When I was about fourteen years old, two my friends and I decided we wanted to go see Alice in Wonderland at the movies. My one friends mom drove us to there, but after she left she realized she couldn’t come back to pick us up. My other friend called her parents, and they were at work or something like that, so they couldn’t pick us up either.

What you need to understand is that I never liked to call my parents for a ride or anything like that. One reason was because I was afraid my friends would make fun of me because my mom and dad are really kind of strange. The second reason is because I was always kind of afraid that my parents wouldn’t like my friends that much. So fear is what kept that from happening, until the day we got stranded at the movie theater.

I was their last hope, otherwise we would be stuck at the movie theater for a couple of extra hours with nothing to do, and none of us wanted to do that. We also didn’t know about movie hopping until we were about 16, so that didn’t cross our minds either. So I had no choice but to call my mom and ask for a ride. Lucky for me (and I say that with a heavy dose of sarcasm) both my mom and my dad were at the store and would be picking us up together.

One parent was bad enough, but two is just overwhelming. They ooze embarrassment and feed off of one another when they are together. Not to mention this was one of the first times my friends were actually meeting good old mom and dad. I was really nervous about what this car ride would look like.

The movie ends and I get a call from my mom telling me they are there to get us. My two friends and I get into the car, and I introduce everyone to each other as we start our thirty minute adventure home. The car ride goes pretty smoothly until my mother decides to turn on the radio, which just happened to be the 80’s station. I forget what song it was, but out of no where my parents just started jamming. And when I say jamming, I mean music so loud that we couldn’t talk to each other and screaming along to the words with all they had in them.

Talk about an embarrassing moment for a 14 year old girl. And if you can’t relate, just think about the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever had and that’s close enough.

A few years later at a sleepover I remember having a conversation about that day. My friends told me they thought my parents were so cool after that day, and they thought it was hilarious and a ton of fun, so I guess my most embarrassing moment made my friends think my parents were really cool.

What I learned from that experience is that we all think our parents are embarrassing, but all of our friends think they’re really cool. So from that moment on I decided I was just going to deal with who my parents were, and have fun with them. It’s better to embrace the awkward moments than it is to sit around and be awkward with them, because then it just makes a bad experience for everyone else around you.

I don’t know what type of people read my blog, but if you’re a teenager in high school you probably experience a lot of situations like mine. Embrace them. Your friends love your parents strange-ness and they even think you’re cool. So don’t over look your mom and dad’s ability to boost your popularity. 

A Never Ending Chapter

Every step I take could e a step closer
to failure or to victory.
How do I know which is which?
What if, all my life,
Everything is a loss,
And I never know the meaning of victory.

That's why it's so hard for me
To understand that the battle has been won.
I am fought for, and my soul is free.

But I will never fully understand
Until I can see victory face to face.

nothing can stop us

we walk together, hand in hand,
we are invincible.
we are united.
we start our journey to the top of the highest mountain,
when we reach it, the sun will kiss our pinked cheeks
as we look over the land we have conquered.
nothing can stop us
because i've got you,
and you've got me.

Balancing Act

Sometimes I feel like I'm rotting in the prison of this life.
Waiting to be delivered,
Trying to find favor in the eyes of my friends and my God.
Until he comes to save me from this all.

I try to have patience,
But sometimes this burden is just too much to bear.
I'm waiting, and trusting with all that I have
Because trust is the only thing I have to survive.

It's a balancing act,
The trick is to avoid the good overtaking the bad,
and the bad overtaking the good.
You need them both,
Equally. Supporting you.

Drowning Peacefully

One of my favorite things about Maine is the rocks on the coast. When I hike along them, I'm reminded of how small I really am. If a huge wave came up and smashed against those rocks, I would be powerless to fight against them.

A song that I really like by Tenth Avenue North has a sone called Lovesick. One of the lines in it is, "I'm caught in Your current but I'm sinking, drowning peacefully."

I never understood that. Until now. Following God is a lot like allowing those waves to crash down over you. We are powerless to fight against Him and His power. But when we just face that fact, our lives will find peace in Him rather than violence in this world.

I'm still trying to figure this whole God thing out. And i think I always will be trying to figure it out. One thing I have always known is to let God have the power, because I can't do it on my own. I need to learn that every day, but at least I'm learning.